holistic ether

papa-san and the full moon

my first day at work for 2007 and everyone was blessed to leave for home early. it's a great coincidence that the skies are clear tonight and the moon is full... these might just be signs that good things are to be expected from these coming months *cough* that's my weak attempt at new-year forecasting...

got to bond with dad tonight. didn't take long...a full half of our bonding was spent trying to figure out the wireless lan settings of his cellphone. but it felt like home getting a glimpse of my dad in his element. the clear evening can do that to him...and i was reminded of it when he and ate jeng invited me over to look at the moon from the rooftop. it was amazing how bright the moon was. i can't really remember the last time time i was able to see patches of constellations other than those surrounding the belt of orion.

dad and i spent a good while enjoying his typical magic tricks. staring at our shadows on the floor for 10 seconds, then looking up at the sky again (our shadows appeared floating on the sky...try it for your yourself, galing :) we reviewed some of the constellations. we thought about how long it would take for us to reach a star (10 lightyears probably). pa talked about how it would feel like, being frozen in nitrogen, only to be brought back to life thousands of years from now. he shared how he and ma would dare themselves at times to stay up the entire night until a plane would fly by.

that's how dad is. he isn't immune from the hard-knock emotional rollercoaster that is reality...but he loves his starry evenings. and it manages to keep him uplifted & calm. he was a seaman after all...it still shows

@_@

one thing's been bothering me lately. an idea brought up to me recently by a choirmate after being my roommate for several times already during our concert tour.

everyone's been noticing how i seem to have this habit of sleeping just about anywhere at any given time. i guess i admit to this habit. in my elementary & high school days, i do sleep during class lectures. when there's no activity in the classroom, i tend to sleep it off at times. i was given the title somnambulist (sleepwalker). in college, i tend to doze off during lectures, even in Fr. Dacanay's theology class....i was in the front row (it was sort of strategic actually. i realized the teacher focuses more on the middle-row seats). a friend described how i would sleep in class, parang nagr-rosaryo daw

in choir rehearsals, i'd take naps while the group does its vocalizations. and in past concert tours, my friend noticed that i had techniques in packing up my luggage along with odd sleeping breaks in between. was embarrased when i got scolded for taking a power nap during an intermission break at a recent concert held in singapore (its because of the belief that the voice gets weak when a singer sleeps before performance). and just a few days ago, ateneo chamber singers presented me with the antukin award (greatness...)

no big deal really. until my choirmate joked that i might just have narcolepsy. sounded bizarre to me, but it might just be true. (?) i'm still considering the possibility... :(

currently in the process of looking through the symptoms... more common are excessive daytime sleepiness & cataplexy (sudden loss of muscle tone). less common are sleep paralysis and hallucinations. a bit scary but the daytime sleeping is definitely there. will leave the other symptoms for future self-assesments

friends were kind enough to suggest other possibilities to this excessive sleepiness:

- rapid weight changes
- psychological reasons (possible social pressure, depression)
- unstable sleeping patterns

crap... heheh

i hope it's only because of the rapid weight change

family sunday

been a week since i came back from touring. it's good being back home for good, though these past few days have been haywire. still going through this blasted jetlag, and i just realized how i seriously need to make my permanent presence felt at work already.

fortunately, it's a blessing time stopped today. went to mass, ate out with the family in a nearby japanese restaurant (thank God for miso soup, cures toothache fast), finally visited the dentist after dad firmly decided i should have my tooth extracted (the dentist said it can still be saved, salamat naman), worked with my dad in fixing jose's (my laptop) power cable. besides these events, i slept the day away.

the day wasn't too eventful. but that exact thing, i missed terribly. its so easy to forget how these things remain my sanctuary. the same way it can get too easy for me to just jump in to work and to many other commitments without thinking much about personal needs like health & sleep. it's always assuring to rediscover the sources of your simple happiness. keeps you more prepared to face daily challenges :)

 

frustration

unexpected post incoming... lol.

it's probably out of luck why somehow, i've been getting to know these rare individuals who genuinely astound me.

ironic though. the more you admire the person and the more you feel this desire to express your admiration, the lesser you actually want to tell the person how much he/she affects you positively

it's as if you're suddenly careful not to ruin the goodness in the person

to add to that, i think this feeling applies more towards great people who i sense are just as equally consumed by internal struggles of self-worth

work and isolation

the entire day, i keep hearing tita ams talk about her faith in the divine providence. it's simply strange especially coming from her, the epitome of the unconventional (active 60year-old lady who continues to dream about making her own musical documentary about the indigenous tribes of the philippines). talking about her is a story in itself. but yes, something about divine providence...

it's been a while since i've finally admitted to myself my lack of personal trust in the idea of divine providence. i admire the greatness of this idea, and it's sad to realize that admiration does not at all equate to personal conviction for something. it's easy to preach about something we admire, and for me it shows in my college papers. it's as if a lot of things were put in perspective by all the reflections poured on us students during those years, and i'm grateful for the enlightenment. but then you're out of the university and you're suddenly lost. once i celebrated the thought of order amidst the chaos. but now, it still remains an idea i keep aspiring for. personally though, things around me are just hazy and are continuing to feel random. or perhaps it's just the stress talking... scary how isolation can do these things to you.

belated :D

hahah, grabe, after drowning my eyes to a lot of tv specials featuring the new year's celebration, i haven't even remembered drawing up a list of my own "new year's resolutions"... =) thanks to a friend for hitting me with that realization. strange though that even without thinking about it... i've actually gathered myself several resolutions already

and i guess with that... despite how i terribly celebrated the new year with the family (sorry talaga), i think it's only now that i feel as if i've really begun appreciating the whole thought of taking in the arrival of a "new" year. a fresh new year. clean slate ika nga. and seriously, after my first year as a working individual...i really really need the opportunity to psych myself with the confidence that i can start things all over again. so here goes: my resolutions for 2006 (in random order)! hahah. back to my fighting form :D i can imagine myself with war paint as of this moment...

1. hardcore, committed multi-tasking
hahah. i have to live with this really. i have to persist in standing up to what i enter myself into. circumstances have led me to 2 simultaneous jobs, and i shouldn't hang on anymore to the hope that this wouldn't last long.. because i think it will. so fight! i pray for my commitment to my choirs as well. and to add to that, i should live my commitments, not think of myself as a separate entity from my responsibilities. i am what i commit myself into. so in accordance to this is my heavy reliance on several planners :) tsk... i know i have this weakness against depending on organizers, but this time, i really have to. at least it helps now that each planner has a distinct purpose

2. saying no
friends know why i need to learn this. as sheila said, my tendency to spread myself too thin can be harmful, not only to me, but to peers more importantly. my yes can be quite impulsive, it scares me. so i have to continue reminding my ego that "no" does not ultimately equate to negativity...and that denying certain favors can sometimes benefit both parties more. i need to maintain my sanity...

3. streetdance!
i need my exercise. for the sake of good health, good work ethics, and good figure....heheheh. lumalapad na raw after new year e. the gym never worked for me. i'm just thankful there's always moro lorenzo sports center inside the campus. i missed how the daily dose of streetdancing a few years back kept me focused, and i definitely need it now. and i especially need the outlet, the opportunity to let loose and get crazy with an excuse. been looking at the schedules recently. thank goodness for canto cinco friends who are just as crazy to dance the stress away :)

4. value leisure, rest & sleep
lately, i seem to have this tendency to avoid treating myself generously to those things. i think i got carried away when i insisted on myself that i have to be of use to my family right after graduating. after that, it was more about not missing out on opportunities while striving to meet demands & deadlines. it got chaotic and it turned me into a miserable grouch, quite a difficult person to spend time with. so definitely, all work and no play makes jett a scary individual. tsk tsk... i really deserve the treat sometimes. but of course, shouldn't be carried away as i fear i really would if ever given the opportunity. at least a time to read a book (another johanna lindsey book perhaps? ngek, heheheh...), time to streetdance at moro, play the guitar, sit back and watch dvds... or splurge on at least one CD a month. variety's the key with leisure...not just music and computers (should be strict with that rule). and yes, it will be a challenge to honor sleep, pero kakayanin

5. more femininity (kahit minsan lang)
hahah, it's actually a sign when people start giving you fancy jackets, lip gloss, plus pink & orange purses for the holidays. shouldn't limit myself anymore to thinking as if i'm only destined to wearing basic jeans, shirts, jackets, rubber shoes & slippers. tsk... i need the color as well. comfort's always the key, but i sure feel the difference in my mood when i feel as if i'm pampering myself sometimes. heheh, may diyosa mode din to...

6. sunday mornings & afternoons should be blocked off
for the family's sake. it's enough that they understand my decision to stay up late for work and for other activities. but their patience for the repercussions of my work has been more surprising. i really have to take seriously the idea behind "family day" and follow ma's request... that i leave sunday open for the family--for church and for the routine restaurant-hopping afterwards. the truth is it's always been a weekly highlight for me and i really shouldn't take this treat for granted :)

7. more music
thanks to boss robbie for making me love music more than i ever did before. and thank goodness for the salary, i can finally treat myself to at least one CD per month. yup, i'm going to make it a rule to shop for music every month, and will be treating myself to as much varied music as i can take to explore. it's interesting really, how every genre, every song can be treated very uniquely. iba-iba talaga ang timpla... down to the mixing :) hahah. nothing can be more exciting than having an audio cd serve as a study guide. only happens in those rare occassions such as training for audio recording

8.

will have to leave #8 blank. leaves things open for other further life improvements, heh heh. especially since i'm aware of this tendency to be paranoid with my own faults... tsk tsk, another thing to add to my list of resolutions, but unfortunately, i can't assure myself of the capacity to improve on that trait for now.

cheers to the new year :) may we hold on to our resolutions despite the daily turbulence.

saturday

random pic muna :) "Shaman Patrick" brought to you by ate jeng and jam, hahahah

our room's filled with random stuff. just got back from a not-so-ordinary splurging session thanks to the nuns of the Medical Mission Sisters congregation. they held a bazaar. a one-day, 9am-3pm bazaar which i kept insisting on them is not enough for the items they were selling. they had items coming from different parts of the Philippines, Indonesia, Africa, and Europe.

i went to the bazaar at around 2:30pm, right after the garage's video and audio editing workshop. when i arrived, i was immediately welcomed by a display of kakanin, cakes, bottled jam, pesto & tuyo flakes. shortly, i was greeted by one of the sisters i know from the congregation, sister belen with her African get-up. heheh :) it was amusing seeing the sisters' enthusiasm... most of them were dressed in national costumes, even to their head gears. and they were kind enough to prepare food and beverage for those who arrived, sarap! i think the drink's a combination of lemongrass and pandan.

here's what i got from the bazaar: (random nga, napagtawanan tuloy ni jam)
- authentic Ethiopian painting of the Last Supper painted on real cow's hide
- African shawl
- earrings for kikay sheila :)  (as requested)
- handmade rosary (w/ assorted beads, ganda)
- dangling accessory for cellphones
- 1 egg papier mache (painted by one of the nuns)
- a pack of assorted greeting cards (proudly made by sister leoni)
- mini-broom!
- 2 pcs. organic soap
- homemade carrot cake
- bottle of pesto
- bottle of tuyo flakes
- bottle of fish roe cooked w/ olive oil
- strawberry jam
- Johanna Lindsey romance novel (hahahah.... it's been years since i last read a historical romance novel... it's a guilty pleasure. don't know when i'll ever read this book, but at least there's one for future leisure)

i think i got carried awhile ago. and to think i commuted back and forth all the way from ateneo. heheh, better not to remind myself of the expenses.... splurge talaga. this is what happens when a person gets home from work at around 1:30am for three days straight. seize the day and treat yourself when you can. the moment was fun :)

~ randoms

hahah, official na talaga ang pagiging adik ni ma sa Pinoy Big Brother :)

• last week, kinulit ni ma sila kafatid pra i-vote through text si Franzen
• kahit ubos na load namin, aba, nag-ppasaload pa
• 2 beses nag-pasaload kay jam, gamit magkaibang cellphone :)
• nang ngayong week ay hindi naman nominated for elimination si Franzen... promise ni ma na hindi muna siya magv-vote dahil is-save niya lahat ng texts niya para kay Franzen
• ngayon, ay may galit din si ma kay Jenny dahil pinili niya si Franzen for elimination

cute cute ni ma :) kahit hindi ko na tuloy napapanood yung show na yun. updated pa rin lagi ako. personally, hindi ko feel si JB at Say... buti na lang nominated ngayon si JB. heh heh

kaka-miss na ang familia. weird kasi halos araw-araw, kahit sunday, wala ako sa bahay, madalas nakakauwi na ng 11pm. pero sa totoo lang, may benefits ang pagiging -toxic-. pag lumalala ang schedule, mas dama tlga ang appreciation pag kasama mo na uli sila. mas good mood pag-uwi :) mas napapansin mo na rin family members mo in greater detail. mas concerned ka na sa changes sa household. recently, nagsimula na uling mag-smoke ng cigar si papa-san (after more than 5 years?). mas napapansin ko na rin white hairs nila ma.

pero siguro kasama na rin mga to sa realization na yuppie mode na nga ako. mukhang mas apektado nga ata ako kesa sa kanila sa bilis ng panahon e... sila, parang game naman :) which is good. nagpapabili na nga ng PDA.. pfft. pero sige lang, spoil the parents. they deserve it

-------------------

si ate jeng, ginulat ako. hahah, bumili pa naman ng snacks galing sa Healthy Options :)  Pumpkin seeds at Soy bean chips. guilt-free munching.

-------------------

first time kong magturo sa Garage finally :) Photoshop ang Premiere Pro for the pastoral community (Messiah workshops). one of the things i love most about the garage is the fact that i get to meet the most unconventional types of people. and you meet a lot of those within the pastoral community. one of them's an old guy from the Focolare who collects more than 2,000 films and possesses the funniest sense of humor. another is a quite good-looking priest from Cebu who can speak fluent Italian. i also got to meet a priest who owns his own domain name in the internet, but doesn't know how to make his website yet :) i have yet to become more acquainted also to the Pauline sisters. sobrang fascinating ang passion nila sa Media

and yes, another wedding engagement with Canto Cinco awhile ago :) today was great. like what Doy Dulce mentioned this morning, there has got to be a purpose why the sun finally appeared after 5 days of continuous rainshowers

auntiecol

 

Dra. Sheila Galindo
Dec. 23 ,1969 - July 24, 2005

"I'm Free"

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I'm following the path God has laid you see.
I took His hand when I heard Him call,
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day.
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that peace at the close of the day.
If my parting has left a void,
then fill it with remembered joys.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss.
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much.
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee.
God wanted me now; He set me free!

(Author –unknown)

 

We love you, auntiecol. As I read this poem at your wake, I felt convinced that those would be the exact words you'd share with us as well. Auntiecol, who selflessly dedicated her life to her "pamangkins"...kanyang mga palangga. You were always a strong, yet caring, optimistic woman. Passionate, even in the simplest of ways--cooking siopao just the way we liked it those days, scheduling regular teeth cleaning sessions, even in tge simple act of taking care of us. It's hard putting into words my deepest gratitude to you, to how much you've made an impact in my life. But as I've heard from Fr. Jboy as he quoted Fr. Ferriols recently, it is the unsaid which is the purest, and most profound expression of gratitute. Thank you for your smile, your warmth and security. Thank you for being my Auntie. Thank for you everything, Auntiecol.

I love you.

still torn between

after a day of work and overtime, i find myself right here in front of the laptop at 2:30am, convincing myself to go and work on the Garage website until i finally get the layout right. sabog, but there's never been a choice except to get used to it.

it's just interesting i'm still alive and kicking :) with getting by through the day with 10 hours of work, a membership in 3 choirs with each having their own engagements and sectionals, voice lessons, time with the family, and the additional rackets here and there. this is not a ranting session. it's just been too overwhelming that i haven't gotten quite used to the thought that i'm actually taking all these things to heart.

tita amy reminded me that it's inevitable that something will be sacrificed in order to give way to what must rightfully happen. it's a scary thought, but seeing how i've been behaving towards commitments (OO na lang nang OO), it's bound to happen soon. to be honest, i'm actually feeling the growing stress creeping in already. sometimes, i can't think straight anymore, and i'm actually feeling my body scream for more sleep.. nakakahiya na para sa mga taong committed ako

another event's been bugging me recently. JesCom's been interested with the idea of taking me in as a trainee for Recording Studio, and Friday will be the day of my assessment. within the first day of realizing this, i can't help but get excited with the turn of events. it was just a year ago when i first laughed at myself because of how weird it sounded whenever i would share that I want to study Sound Engineering... but God has His plans. and here i am now in this position of accepting the offer of possibly training as a Sound Engineer for Jescom. it's been such a rush :) ... today, though, reality was starting to kick in. I attended the C5 rehearsal, and there i was reminded again of willan's excellent keyboard playing. i seriously can't imagine taking his place in the Recording Studio. that and many other things started taking its toll on my reasoning.

somehow, part of me's just saying that i'm simply pretending to be someone i'm not--someone good with computers, multimedia, and music. it's strange how it feels like i've always been carrying such a mask for quite some time ... it's as if i'm trying hard to become someone i want to be. too many doubts, and it's been burdening myself to the point of hitting even the core of my existence here. it can become devastating if you suddenly realize that you've been lying to yourself and to others all along... seriously, i'm just hoping that things are not that way at all. i just hope i genuinely do have what it takes being the person i am now...i should learn to have some more trust. in myself, in the higher power who has brought me to this path